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Economists in parades
|There is also a joke about the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union.

After the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by there came ten men dressed in black.

"Are they Spies?" Asked Gorby?

"They are economists," replies the KGB director, "imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans"

 
I have a big problem
|Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill, "Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don't know what to do about it. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one."

"Not a big deal Boris, I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one."

 
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day...
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."
 
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him...
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change."I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."Nine hands went up."Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man."Too much trouble," came the reply.
 
Jet Fuel
A couple of drinkin buddies who are airplane mechanics are in the hanger at JFK airport in New York; it's fogged over and they have nothing to do.
One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that will give you a buzz." So they decide to try the jet fuel, they get trashed and have a good old time like only drinkin buddies can do.

The following morning one of them wakes up and is afraid to sit up for fear his head will explode from the awful hangover he's going to have. He gets up and feels good, in fact he feels GREAT! NO HANGOVER!

The phone rings and it's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey how are you feeling this morning? I'm actually feeling really good!" The buddy says, "Me too! I feel great! Man that jet fuel is great stuff! No hangover...we ought to do this more often!"

"Yeah, we could but there's just one thing...." "What's that?" "Did you fart yet?" "No...Why?" "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!"

 
Fun with telemarketers
|What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............

 
Ford
What does Ford stand for?

Found On Rednecks Driveway!

 
So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
 
Question and answer
|An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.


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Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!


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Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."


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Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.


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Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"


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Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?

A: Too early to say.


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Q: What do economists and computers have in common?

A: You need to punch information into both of them.


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Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?

A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.


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Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?

A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.


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NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.


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Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?

A: To reach the consensus forecast.


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Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?

A: Deflator mouse


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Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.


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Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.


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Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It depends on the wage rate.


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Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.


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Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.


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Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None - the market has already discounted the change.


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Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?

A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.


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Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.


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When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.


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Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.


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Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven plus or minus ten.


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Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.


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Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?

A: The economist is the one with the calculator.


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Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?

A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground


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Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.


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Q: Why did God create economists?

A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.


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Q: What does an economist do?

A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.


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Two economists meet on the street.

One inquires, "How's your wife?"

The other responds, "Relative to what?"


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To an economist, real life is a special case.


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Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.


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Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.


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When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.


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Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."


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Q: Why has astrology been invented?

A: So that economy could be an accurate science.

 
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
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